What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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