My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
