this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
