Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
