in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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