I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
