Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
