no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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