Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
