I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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