just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
