I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
