Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
