I think i peed on brittanys purse
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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