I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
