i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
