I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
