it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
