Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
