Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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