oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just had sex bonerless
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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