Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ok first of all what the fuck
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
