The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
