I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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