If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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