i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
In America we eat man semen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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