there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
