I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
and she was petting her beer can
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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