It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
