i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
