i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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