why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just cropdusted the office
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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