K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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