my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
