Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
