you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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