I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want a musical about memes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize