tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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