how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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