Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
