go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
