i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
