My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
