love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
