I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
