I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
