Is it because I queefed?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
