I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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