Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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