i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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