So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize