what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize