Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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