Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
