Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize