I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
