she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
