at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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