sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
