it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
