I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
