It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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