Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We are two peas in an std pod
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
