There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Will you blow on my dice?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
