Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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