Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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