you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize