you have to choose: penises or morals?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
