That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
