I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
