So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
