I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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