You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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