I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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